Unsilent Night

Long Island: It's a magical place. I took the train there to meet Arden and prepare for Unsilent Night. Phil Kline, the composer & mastermind behind Unsilent Night, gathers everyone at Washington Square Park, passes out cassettes to be played on our boomboxes, instructs us to all simultaneously press "play" & leads everyone on a pre-determined route. Needless to say, Arden & I, of course, had to prepare for this momentous occassion!

I must add here that I stayed in NYC for an extra day just so I could take part in Unsilent Night. I took the train to Long Island so Arden & I could hang out & find a suitable (cheap) boombox in order to fully participate in the night's festivities. As we strolled through the flea market and the mall, I couldn't help but notice all of the Long Island douchebags. They were bountiful! There were a plethora of them! I was incredulous; they're so lame! They looked a lot like those Gotti Bros. Their damned hairburst hairstyles disgust me.

Anyway, we bought our boombox & made our way back to Manhattan for the glory that is Unsilent Night!

Despite the obvious joy Arden & I exuded over our baby boombox, we should have read over the instructions to Unsilent Night a bit more closely. We got there at 7:02 PM. The website briefly mentions (toward the bottom of the page) "It is recommended that participants arrive by 6:45 pm." Hmm. Much to our dismay, Arden & I got there as everybody was simultaneously pressing play! DAMN THEM! We didn't get any cassettes. Everyone started processing. (There were tons of people there, by the way). Basically, we missed the most important part. We can never get those moments back. Shitty. Sad. Shitty-Sad.

Arden displays our sadness in the photo above. Regardless, we processed with the slow-moving, anti-climactic event. The music was just, well, noise. Dischordant noise. It was very solemn and weird. My sister met us as we walked. Like us, she was unimpressed. We ducked out of the procession and snuck into a sushi place for some good eats. So much for Unsilent Night. By the way, SB people, I heard they did it for the first time over there this year. I hope you didn't go. It's too lame. Free but lame.

At the subway stop Arden & I said our goodbyes. I really fucking miss her. I've bonded with her pretty deeply. I talk to her nearly everyday. We've only really hung out less than 5 times, but she has a great insight on nearly every topic. I respect her a ton and am lucky to have her companionship in New York.

Oh! Before I forget! I must tell you (briefly) about SantaCON! A bunch of crazy New Yorkers all dress up as Santa and go on an 18 HOUR PUB CRAWL through the city! As I exited my apartment on Saturday morning, I was greeted by them. It was astounding. They were giving kids candy, chanting "Ho! Ho! Ho!" and a dude from the 2nd story of an apt. building hung out a beer bong and boozed up the Santas. It was incredible. They all ended up getting on the subway with me. Ha! Delightful.

Everybody was really into it. I thought it was hilarious, but my default face always makes me look angry. A black lady got on the train and looked hella pissed. She made eye contact with me - as I stood in the middle of the subway train simply surrounded by Santas - and said aloud "White people are crazy!" I chuckled. Then some Santa dude turned to me and said "I know we look like idiots, but smile for us would ya?!" and offered me a Starbust lollipop. I accepted it and smiled. Then the Santas started poking fun and chanting "Santa's on the move! Santa's on the move!" It was rather embarassing, but hilarious. If I am in NYC next year, it would be fun to take part in SantaCON. 18 hours though. That's a long time.

Happy Christmahannukwanzaakuh, everybody!

With love,
Tanya

Carol's Return: Part II

Friday was kind of a bizarre day. I saw a dude in Union Square with a big sign that read: "I NEED A GIRLFRIEND. I'M NOT NEEDY, JUST LONELY." The back of it said: "I love my mother. I have three sisters whom I respect. I'm a nice guy. I have a dog." I was waiting to meet up with my sister and kept smiling and cracking up his sign. He sauntered over to me and said
"You look like the type of girl I'd love to take out for coffee."
I replied "Oh. I'm waiting for my sister." (I make no sense). I follow up with "Are you a killer?"
"No."
"Are you a child molester?"
"No."
"Have you ever kicked your dog?"
"I did once, but I felt really bad about it after."
"Okay, here. Have my card. Bye."
I walked away and was cracking up...if people have seen my business card, they know why. I hope he goes "What the! Is she a hermaphrodite?"

Vanessa and I meet up with her friend, Christina, and ate at a diner called the "Chat & Chew." I really enjoyed the food and my sister's friend. She's really cool, funny and smart. I like people like that.

From there I left to meet Carol and go watch "The Fortune Teller." It was soooo mesmerizing. I was tired and still paid attention. Oh, and I had a bit of an embarassing brush with a celebrity.

There were a few reserved seats next to us in the theater. Right before the show started I noticed people coming to sit in them. I apologized as I was bending down, trying to push my big purse under my seat and out of the walkway. As I bent down a platinum-haired man, at that very moment, decided to squeeze past. As he passed and I bent, my head and eye directly made forceful contact with his asshole. I swear I could feel my eye socket penetrating and discovering his colon. Embarassment. He didn't do anything except kept walking! I looked up, looked at the man's face as he sat down and it was no other than Jim Jarmusch (director of Broken Flowers, Coffee & Cigarettes, etc). I should sell my story to "The Enquirer" or something.

Anyway, I had a great day with Arden today - which I will blog about when I GET HOME TO CALIFORNIA!!! That's right! Be excited! My flight is tomorrow at 9 AM. I can't wait to see my parents and my californian friends. Grand! It'll be fun. I want to go hug every single one of you - except you. Yeah, you're dirty.

This is my preemptive apology, though. I doubt I will be be blogging much while I'm in KiLLa KaLi. So, you'll have to find some other form of lackluster entertainment to keep your eyes content. I'll be in Krazy Killa Kali (that's right - KKK - I said it) for about 2 1/2 weeks. Be good, friends. Wish me a safe flight. I'm not a big fan of flying. Okay, later! I love you all - yes, even you, the dirty one.

Tanya Lasagna

Carol's Return: Part I

Hear ye! Hear ye! The return of the glorious Carol Huston betides!

Wednesday Carol came to Manhattan again. She'll be staying here until Sunday. Excitement! We ate at a Tex-Mex place near NYU that was run by asians. It was really odd. Carol pointed out that they feed us shitty cheese enchiladas, but when they took their dinner break, they had all made themselves (what I imagine to be) good chinese grub. Damn them!

We saw "The Science of Sleep" at a theater that plays motion pictures. I was surprised it was still showing. The film was so great and funny. I told Carol after "It makes me really comforted to know there are people like Michel Gondry in this world. So creative." It's true. I liked the whole idea of the movie, how it was executed, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. That just reminded me. I'm 22. I promised myself by 25 i'd know 5 languages. I know 3. Fuck. I need to get cracking on my latin. That was gonna be my fourth. It's a dead language, but it's the foundation for so many others. That was a tangent.
::panics::
::thinks to self, "It's cool Tanya. Just bring it back. Bring it back. Back to a not weird place. Go ahead. Don't be afraid"::
...So, Carol and I really enjoyed "The Science of Sleep." (Good save, Erazo. Good save!)

Today, Friday, we have tickets to see The Fortune Teller. It's like marionette/puppetness and should be (a la Larry David): pret-ty, pret-ty, pret-ty good. I'll keep you posted, my niggas.

LaterZ, whatevZ! TTYL! Ugh. Puke puke puke
-T Funk

I Like Stand-Up.

I had my first NY comedy show at The Comedy Village tonight. It's not too far from my apartment. It was a cool little club. I met with Greg, the dude who filmed my set, a few hours before and had a great time eating foods, chatting and talking comedy.

There were roughly 9 comedians who performed tonight. Including my two teachers: Jordan Carlos & Dan Ahdoot, a few of their friends, and five of us fledgling neophytes (redundancy repetitive). I performed 2nd to last. It was a bit nerve-racking 'cause I kind of just wanted to get it over with, but I like nervous excitement.

When it was my turn, I got scared I would forget all my material after the first joke. I didn't. Ugh - I included the picture my sister took of me while I was performing. I look chubby and gross, but oh well. Here's proof that I did it, fuckers. Anyhow, I sped through my set because I am a fast talker. My jokes were pretty well-received. I had fun. My sister & brother (Vanessa and Orlando), Starr +1, and Madeleine all came to support me. That was awesome. I'm most appreciative.

Like I said, I had a lot of fun and people were really flattering with their comments to me after. I guess you could say I officially have my first fan. I'm supposed to let her know when I perform again.

After the show I took a picture with my two rad teachers (fuck, i'm really getting chubbs. I can see it in my fuggin' face) and hung out with Lantos. He's a great big brother and a funny mofo. I came home content. I like stand-up. Let's do this again sometime. Let's. I should have my DVD soon. Be prepared.

Stay Black Y'all,
T-Bone

The Hoff Visit (Continued)

I forgot to mention that as the gorgeous, tall, blonde Hoff and I strolled through Harlem, the darkies could not help but swoon over her. One man straight up just hollered, "Girl! You know I got jungle feva!" She embarassedly smiled and I cracked the hell up.

My favorite was another guy stopped dead in his tracks as The Amazing Hoff and I walked by. "Wow. She's tall. Look how tall she is!" Innocent enough, but he continued, "You wanna play some one-on-one...and I ain't talkin' 'bout no basketball!" I laughed so hard. Oh, Harlem! I love you so!

Yes, well I thought it was imperative that you all know this. It caused much laughter for us. I'm hoping to find a way to visit Hoff when she's in working for the Peace Corps. That would be radical - just like her.

More later, you heathens!

Heart,
T-Bag

The Hoff Visit

Hoff is fantastic & magical. I mean, just check out her shirt. She owns quite an exquisite & expansive wardrobe filled with awesome t-shirts. I like her a lot. She visited for a week & stayed with our friend Madeleine in Brooklyn. We had many a fun-filled adventure during her stay. The three of us went ice skating at Bryant Park. They didn't allow purses on the ice (safety hazard). Consequently, Hoff & I stuffed ours in our jackets. She looked preggers & I looked like I had a gadonkadonk/humpback. I wish I had the picture, but she does. Damn shame. Anyway, I witnessed a lot of people falling and a couple get engaged. I did not fall. I was proud of myself. Although, I did complain a lot. I'm not the best skater.

We saw fake Santas break dance & posed with a person dressed as Lady Liberty. It was a great random time. We went to The New York Earth Room - which was just a loft filled with dirt. It smelled so good. Sad, but I hadn't smelled fresh soil in so long. An artist (Walter De Maria) put all the soil in the loft as an exhibit. Apparently this is 1 of 3 Earth Rooms he's created around the country. Cool.

Hoff & I strolled through Central Park and attempted looking for Thoth (look him up!), but ended up wanting to eat food instead. Before we left though, we had a great time swinging in the playground. Funny. Most of the people on the swings were adults. That made me happy. Refreshing to see. Also, en route to Thoth's supposed location, Hoff & I came across the carousel. We really wanted to ride it, but it was closing just as we got there. Hence, we documented ourselves throwing tantrums out of sadness.

Hoff & I were pretty sad about the lack of carouseling done on that day. Obviously. (As with all pictures I post, you can click on them to enlarge them). Hoff is so great. It was pretty cold this whole week. So, Hoff & I were more interested in getting warm food than hunting for Thoth.

This is by far one of my favoritest pictures. I don't really know what we were doing, but we liked it. Anyway, Hoff and I went to Tom's Restaurant - the one that Elaine, Jerry, George and Kramer "go to." They just use the exterior of the restaurant as an establishing shot for the show. Oh well. Food was alright. Before I forget, after Hoff & I walked around Harlem all day & ate great fried and jerk chicken, this crazy, homeless dude on the subway started interrogating me. There were a few loud, young, black kids on the train and Hoff turned around to look at them. The hobo looked her, shook his head "no" & advised her to stare straight ahead. After talking to me about his upcoming dance performance & birthday, he asked "You speak English?" No, dude. I've only been talking to you for about 5 minutes. Idiot. Then he says, in regards to Hoff, "Thatcho friend?" I nod. "You better get that girl off the train befo' they beat that nice pretty girl up!" Yeah, not so much guy. It was funny. Oh, the crazies! I love you!

Hoff & I got our palms and tarot cards read. Some of the shit the psychic said was really dead on. I know horoscopes & psychic predictions are usually very broad so they can reach many people, but I dunno. It was fun. I didn't trust the woman at first because she didn't look like a gypsy. She was wearing grey sweats and was named Linda. Oh well. Among other things, she told me I will have one strong marriage and 3 children. That'd be cool.

Hoff, Madeleine & I had some great conversations. Overall, the visit from Hoff was quite a delight. I can't wait to see her again when I go back home for Christmas. Also, I am looking forward to Carol visiting later this week. Yes! I heart visitors. Thanks for tolerating a long post. By the way, I'm scared I won't be funny at my comedy show tomorrow. We'll see...

Dec. 2nd: Part II

Oh, Saturday night. How I lament you so! Without you my life would not be complete. Don't get me wrong. I have moustached before but not like this. FYI, you can spell it as "mustache" or "moustache." I prefer "moustache" because I say it like a bloody Brit "moo-stache"/"moose-stash."

My moustached partner in crime was no other than the lovely Miss Peters. I met up w/ her after I hung out w/ Annie B. for a bit. Our first point of business was heading out to Brooklyn for their museum's free first-saturday-of-the-month admission/dance party. (We went last month. We're cultured). However, after a comedy of errors, we ended up sitting staring @ an empty subway rail @ 10:56 & the museum closed @ 11:00 PM. Oops. It was @ this point that the moustachity began.

So, there's a great advisory posted in the underground labyrinths that are the NYC subway stops. The poster can be seen to the right. (By the way, for any picture I post, you can make it larger/view it in its full capacity by simply clicking on it. Go ahead. Try. Also, if you right-click on it, you can choose to view it in a separate window - it just won't be to full size. I'm such a genius). Arden & I recreated our own homages to the poster as tons of people walked by. We have no shame. Below, you can view our faux poster modeling.

Our slogan for the night was "Good Evening" said in a generic British/rich man accent. Anyone we walked by got it. For the ladies it was the innocent question "can I interest any of you in a good moustache ride?" Arden nearly pissed herself once out of sheer laughter & merriment. I almost did when this happened: some boy kept staring. He obviously wanted to say something, but his lady wasn't a fan of his staring & smirking. Arden bellowed (in her rich man accent) "I defy you to refrain from mentioning my moustache!" Fabulous.

Our whole reason for moustaching (sounds like a gross sexual rendezvous) was because we thought it would be hilarious to see how uncomfortable people - especially boys - would be w/ it. However, much to our surprise, guys were yelling shit like "I love kissing girls with moustaches!" To which Arden & I would reply "Then kiss your mother." We got great responses from random passerbys as we walked the crowded streets of Greenwich Village & the Lower East Side: "Yes! Moustaches!" or random exclaimed accolades. We were very shocked people liked the moustaches so much. A random dude on the street asked for our picture. He was a nerdy NYU Econ grad student.

Another dude asked Arden about her tattoo & she went on a rant about how she got it in prison, for drunken vehicular manslaughter - but the guy deserved it, & that I was her sponsor. She was a meth addict, but I was teaching her how to read. I added little snippets in the conversation, but was barely stifling my laughter. The guy seemed to be believing her. What a fucking moron. FYI, our made-up names were pretty butch. We'd introduce ourselves in husky voices. Arden'd say "My name's Deb, but you can call me 'Dog.'" My line: "Name's Jordan, but you can call me Jordy."

(To the right I am gracefully looking over the subway map in a most refined manner). Arden & I started walking home @ nearly 4AM. A drunken buffoon turned to her & said "I like your hat & your glasses." We laughed @ his foolishness. I said "Yeah. I like your starched white shirt." Fuckin' idiot guy. Overall, it was a great night of moustaching. The next day we bought some cool t-shirts & shit @ the Young Designers Market, & the Stanton & Orchard Street Fair. Below are some random great pictures of our night in moustacheville.

Thanks for putting up with such a long post! You guys rule!!

--Miss(ter) T

Dec. 2nd: Part I

The LSAT. I did it. I survived. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - which makes the Catholic guilt resurface and adminishingly point a finger in my face saying "It wasn't that bad? Imagine if you hadn't wasted your time interwebbing and watching tv. You could've done even better, you little ijit." (I am really hard on myself. This is not a secret). I'm sure I got a run of the mill score. I literally barely studied. I crammed a few nights (3) & went to bed late because I was too scared of my own criticism - not because I feared not getting into law school. (Like I said, I am hard on myself).

Anyway, the whole ordeal lasted from 8AM-2PM! Gross. I made friends with a boy named Gerard who sat next to me because I offered him some of my contraband gum. They took our fingerprints before the test. Crazy.

Regardless, afterward I came home & got ready for a much anticipated night of moustache-ity. Also, Annie Bedigian came to New York for a day or two & I met up with her at Herald Square. I plan to visit her in Boston cuz I've never been. Also, Allison Hoff is in NY! She'll be in Brooklyn tomorrow & I'll get to see her soon! Yes! I am excited to squish her face like a clump of mashed potatoes.

Part II of the Dec. 2nd post will showcase Arden and my night of moustachedness (pronounced: moose-tash-ed-ness). Get excited.