Coney Island Crazies

Yesterday Jeremy and I frolicked to Coney Island. We rode the subway to the end of the F line (for the Stillwell/Coney Island stop). It was kind of a weird idea - riding the subway in my bathing suit, board shorts, new Rocky shirt (which I shall post a picture of later) and flip flops through Manhattan and Brooklyn to get to the beach. When we got there Jeremy and I kind of laughed that it was scummy and really city-like. There is the beach and then right across the street from the boardwalk are tons of multi-lane boulevards, high-rises and people.

Before we hit the beach we had to hunt for a football and some conditioner (so my hair wouldnt get nappy). Some dumbass dude tried to sell me a bottle of conditioner for $7. No way. I tried to haggle with him and he said "No, this isn't Africa!" Ha! WHAT? He kept trying to tell me that it was expensive because it was Pantene Pro-V brand. Riiight. That shit is only, like, 4 bucks, tops! He was a nut. Friends, this is where the slew of crazies began a-flowin'. We met/saw quite a few nutjobs at Coney Island.

Jeremy and I set our stuff down very close to the water. Now, I never really worry that my shit will get stolen at the beach, but we had two iPods, two wallets, clothes, cell phones, et cetera and TONS of riffraff around. So, before we trotted off into the water, I kindly asked some woman and her daughter if they could watch our stuff. She said it would be no problem. Great, grand, wonderful.

We played in the water for a bit - which was super cold, but being from the Bay, I'm used to - got out and sunbathed. When we returned to our beach towels, I thanked the woman who looked after our things. She smiled and said it wasn't a problem. Shortly thereafter a bunch of rambunctious kids started playing around right next to us and were kicking up some sand. The woman who looked after our bag looked pissed. When the kids scampered off, she shook her towel off and said "I just hate Black kids like that!" Wow. What do you say to that? I just kind of smiled and did a weird nod of some sort, but in my head I was like "This bitch is crazy!" She said a few more hushed racist remarks to me and when she thought Jeremy might of heard her, she stopped and apologized. What? He's white. I'm brown. Don't you think it'd be better to say these racist thoughts to him at least. Weird. Weird, weird lady.

As we sunbathed, a bunch of vendors kept walking by. Beer was being sold, food, water, mangoes!! It was really bizarre. I felt like I was at some ghetto resort. A dude next to us was hilarious. He was this drunk ass Puerto Rican guy who kept telling everyone nearby that he had to go to work in two hours. He drove a garbage truck. "I gotta go to work tonight. If you see a garbage truck swerving' towards you, you better move son. That's me. God loves me, yo. Sometimes I be weavin' in about 4 lanes and I'm fine. God really loves me, yo." He was hysterical - because he was an idiot. He told Jeremy he was going to leave and go get food on the boardwalk. "I'ma go eat 20 pizzas and puke!" I told him that was a waste of money. He told Jeremy to buy me flowers, but not roses because they were too expensive. He told him to buy me daisies. Ha, what a silly bastard. Then he proceeded to try and buy the woman (who looked after our bags) a shredded up beach shirt that has a picture of the Puerto Rican flag on it. He was out of control and hilarious. I think I want to marry him.

After we got done with the beach, I went into the restroom to freshen up. While pulling my hair back, I met Sabrina. She was a particularly sweaty, skinny AfriCAN AmeriCAN woMAN. (I dunno why I say it with that intonation, but I do). Anyway, as I fixed my hair a bit and held my eyeliner in hand, she just started yelling "Girrrl, you good! You good, girl! You goooood!" For a second I thought she was pseudo-chastizing me for quasi-primping at the beach - but I have nappy ass hair, so i gots to! - until she walked over and kept talking:

Crackhead Sabrina: "How'd you DO that? How'd you DO it?!"
Me: "Sorry, what?"
CS: "How do you gots your eyeliner so smooth? You got it on the top AND the bottom!"
Me: "Oh, yeah. It's really easy to do."
CS: "I just love how you people do that!" What the fuck? "Can you do me?"
Now, let me point out here that Sabrina is most definitely a crackhead and had the sweatiest face I had ever seen. I wanted to say: Are you serious? I'm not using my eyeliner on your sweaty face!, but there she was, poised with her eyes shut already waiting for me to apply eyeliner... So, I did. Sabrina looked in the mirror when I was done.
CS: "Ohhh, girrrl! I never done this in my life! I never had that done before! Thank you. Excuse my manners, my name is Sabrina."
Me: "Nice to meet you, Sabrina. I'm Tanya."
CS: "Tanya, can you line my lips, too?"
Me: "Well, I don't have lipliner. This is eyeliner and it's black."
CS: "Oh, tha's okay! That'll look good"
What the fuck, part two! I did it. It was weird. I basically gave a crackhead a makeover. When I finished, I tossed my eyeliner away and washed my hands.

Directly after that, Jeremy and I stood in line for food at Nathan's. Two dudes ordered around the same orders around the same time and at registers right next to each other. So, when Dude #1's food was ready, Dude #2 took it (maybe by mistake). However, Dude #1 was really upset and started cussing at him. Dude #2 just started walking away and paying no mind. But then he turned around and said "Mah nigga, are you really tryin' to argue over a hot dog??!!" Then, Dude #2 flung the dog at his feet and they got all in each other's faces. One of the scrawny Nathan's cashiers looked really nervous and scared. Jeremy and I just hung our mouths open at each other and we're doing the silent laugh/"is this for real?" look. Then Jeremy just says to me "Homie threw his weenie at him." HAHAHA. It cracked me up. He kept repeating it in awe. It was really ridiculous.

Oh, Coney Island. Oh, crazies! Overall, I liked Coney Island. I had a really fun time. However, it was pretty ghetto and crowded. It's like a Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, but dingier. I had fun. Later, homies.

Tangee Poo