Yesteryear

Around This Time Last Year...

-I was finishing up my LSAT classes and had signed up for the test.
-I was trying to get as much time with people in California as I possibly could.
-I was breaking up with the only boy I'd ever said I-Love-You to.
-I was getting scared of moving to New York City.
-I was getting excited to move to a place where drinking wasn't the only enticing form of hanging out.
-I was just starting to cultivate a close friendship with the beautiful Jess Hilo.
-I was having a Goodbye Party and kept saying "I don't know if we'll ever see each other again..."
-I was spending every possible moment with Sam.
-I was pinballing between crying and smiling about my decision to move.
-I was preemptively missing my coach and feeling awkward about telling him how much he meant to me.
-I knew nothing was left for me in Santa Barbara anymore.
-I knew that if I wanted to grow, New York would pull me away from all my comfort zones.
-I knew I would miss people tremendously.
-I was packing up all my belongings and getting ready to move back home for a week.
-I was telling Sam, in earnest, that this would be good for us; that we'd be able to work on just being really good friends.
-I was telling myself, in earnest, that I might be making a mistake in moving.
-I knew the move would be tough, but that in the long run I would never regret it.
-I didn't know how great this move would be for me.
-I didn't know how proud of myself I'd be for all that I've accomplished here.
-I didn't know how naked and lonely I'd feel months into moving here.
-I didn't know how euphoric it'd feel when I overcame that.
-I wondered how long I'd stay.

Well, friends, despite some ups-and-downs, New York City has been a great friend to me -- one that taught me a lot about myself and others. One that taught me how to be completely vulnerable one day and feel tremendously safe and secure the next. One that taught me that life isn't that hard and it's not always fair, but it's workable. New York City has been smart and showed me how to navigate in a labyrinth - only to realize nothing is ever as hard as it seems (in retrospect).

My One-Year Anniversary is coming up. I'm going to take myself out to a nice dinner. I'm going to walk myself through a park or two. I'm going to call the people who helped me most during my move. Maybe I'll have a get-together with friends. Who knows? What I do know, is that it makes perfect sense that my ridiculously beautiful friend Erca Whale is coming to visit today and staying for a week. I have a life here now, but people in California are still a part of it. When she heard I won't be coming back to California anytime in the next few months, she booked a ticket to see me. I think she's the first person to come visit just to see me - no desire to see certain attractions, no work-related trips, she just wanted to see the T. That's (one of the superfluous amount of reasons) why I love her so much. I can't wait to go pick her up at the airport in the next few hours...

Well, be good to yourself, friends. Give yourselves a hug and a pat on the back. Look into the mirror today and say something nice. Smile at your reflection.

Thanks for being you, you! I love you lots.

Happily,
The T