A Long (Over-Due) Tribute

I love my sister. I moved to New York because she proposed the idea. She's a brave little toaster. We've lived apart for at least seven years of our lives (she went to college, I went to college, she moved to Mexico, etc). I was telling her today that I am disgusting. She agreed. She told me I should re-read all the comments I've posted on her MySpace page. I did. I will share most of them with you here. This is how I say "I love you" and "You're a great big sister," apparently...

Aug 27, 2005 4:16 PM
um, hello. you are grand...of course you are, idiot, you are related to me. speaking of idiot, i like the incorrect grammatical punctuation I have used. Quit talking about my mammaries on the internet. you werent complaining when they were in your mouth! JEW LIKEDED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aug 30, 2005 1:42 PM
Remember when my fart penetrated your anushole?! hahah i do. Do i have to become a registered sex offender now? that would be kinda cool.

Aug 31, 2005 11:58 AM
Vanessa, why and when did we stop having sex? Incest is best!

Sep 4, 2005 3:57 PM
My sister is a great person and a lovely human being...

FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Sep 26, 2005 11:43 AM
I love my sister...especially when she tickles my Puhgina.

Oct 2, 2005 10:23 AM
My sister is the brave little toaster. I'm going to miss you when you leave for Meh-Hee-Co. See, I am actually being nice and un-perverted. Weird...

Nov 3, 2005 5:23 PM
I miss my sissy pot pie...

...YOU BETTER BE READY TO MAKE ME THANKSGIVING DINNER WHEN I VISIT YOU, BITCH! I mean, I love you.

Nov 5, 2005 11:37 AM
Lately, Vanessita's been all about the rape threats. I like it.

Nov 18, 2005 6:32 PM
I can't wait to see you, you stupid bitch!

I mean....yeah, read above.

Dec 2, 2005 8:52 PM
Vanessa, I love you and I miss you a lot more than you miss me, you idiot.

Will Ferrell = death

Dec 5, 2005 11:49 PM
...I just popped what I thought to be a small zit. BOY, WAS I WRONG! It was on my chin. It appeared to be a small little thing, but it hurt like the dickens. When I applied force with my two pointer-fingers' nails, it released a confetti of the longest white, strung-together hard yet fluid puss I have ever seen! It was like when you have those tiny, fake, plastic champagne bottles for New Years that you hold upside down and pull the string...Then out pops the coiled streams of paper. Just like that. It was mega ultra full too. I had to keep squeezing til my fingers hurt. I think there still might actually be puss residue inside that little abyss. He proved to be a worthy adversary. I congratulate him. I bid you adieu.

Dec 18, 2005 11:42 AM
I miss you. I cant wait to see you, you silly little queef!

Jan 4, 2006 11:41 AM
I miss you. Now come unpack my shit. I'll give you a dollar.

Jan 7, 2006 7:30 PM
I was going to write something here. Then I forgot what it was. Oh well.

I NEARLY sharted today, but I pinched my sphincter closed, then went to the john. It was fun.

Jan 13, 2006 9:34 AM
I miss you more than I miss my penis.

Jan 26, 2006 2:13 PM
I died laughing with the past three comments. I've resurrected and have to say...

Feb 14, 2006 4:41 PM
Happy V-Day from the bitch who loves you the most! By V-Day I mean vagina day.

Call me again soon. I miss you...and my chonies get wet when i hear your voice. hahaha

Feb 17, 2006 3:06 PM
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDIOT! I didnt do anyhting on V-Day, I'll have you know. I was as sick as a somalian newborn with HIV. No, I didnt watch the L-word, you faaawking moronitic. I watched Farenheit 9/11 and watched Sam study for a midterm. Then we sipped tea...cuz we're fuckin lame. Then I had fever dreams about weird stuff that I can't remember...but i have a vague recollection of you being there and it was soft. It was artistic. It was sensual...and when I woke up, my chonies were crusty from the wetness they endured.

Apr 21, 2006 12:39 AM
Your picture makes it look like you and David Wain are an item, but a very unhappy one - look at his serious face. I bet he beats you. Don't let him; you're better than that.

May 7, 2006 1:17 PM
Vanqueefa!
It was so good to talk to you yesterday! I lobe jew so much. Come back to America, my little coochiefart.

May 13, 2006 1:35 AM
I wish you lived in the continental united states so I could call you. By the way, Lisa has the greatest posts ever.

May 22, 2006 5:22 PM
I miss you. I love you. I want to rape you.

Jul 6, 2006 4:30 PM
I miss you, big sissy. Yeah, you heard me. You big sissy!!

Once again, my sister, the brave little toaster moves to a foreign land. This time this foreign land consists of jews and hot dogs. What will the jews do with such a pork byproduct?! Stay tuned for the Adventures of Vanessita in Nova Iorque!!!

Jul 20, 2006 11:33 PM
I missed your call tonight cuz I'm a jerkasaurus rex. However, I am not extinct. You may not use me as fossil fuel. As a matter of fact, you should really try and find some alternative energy sources. Pass that along. Thanks.

This public service announcement was provided by "Tanya was trying to be funny and it just turned out to be lame and/or weird, Inc."

Jul 30, 2006 1:44 AM
Vanessita! Mom told me what happened! Do you have my phone number? I hate that criminal. When I move to NYC, I'm gonna hunt him down and mug him. Then, I'll punch him in the labias. Are jew okay? Olive juice.

Aug 6, 2006 2:38 AM
Nechita,
It is imperative that I tell you this:

))<>((

Please tell me you remember that from "Me and You and Everyone We Know"

"Back and forth." Hot.

Nov 4, 2006 11:37 PM
The world should know that at a comedy club a comedian specifically addressed Vanessa in the middle of his set. He said "You look like the quiet one of the bunch. You got dat look dat sez you'll burn my house down if I forget yo' birfday. You got that Carrie look in yo' eyeZ." HA! Priceless.

Nov 26, 2006 1:03 PM
I want to dance like this for you:

Just let me know when and I shall.

Dec 11, 2006 12:41 AM
1. In regards to Hector's comment: I want to find out where his X-Mas party is so I can show up and punch his vadge again. Oh man. That would be so great.
2. The poster of "The Kiss" is my ultimate worst nemesis. I saw that thing in roughly 90% of all lame shitty people's homes in Slutta Boobra. Ugh. AND it was made by some girl named Tanya. What a twatsicle.
3. I want to hump you til it hurts or until I go raw...although I imagine those two will probably occur simultaneously.
4. In reference to No. 3: I'm dead serious.

Love,
Your sister

Mar 9, 2007 2:58 PM
I can't wait for you, me and mom to have a threesome tomorrow!

Mar 19, 2007 11:08 PM
Man, mom got so mad when you would call that stripper all the time from the house. The phone bill was outrageous!

PS. COME FEEL MY BONER! It's pulsating!

Aug 20, 2007 2:41 PM
Awww, you cutesters are weird. You love me BOTH more than I would EVER love you two - combined.

SIKE. I miss you guys. I hope Brazil is nice and hot - and I don't mean your sex lives. Dad's a married man. Leave him alone.

BY THE WAY, The King of Kong is open in New York already. I was going to watch it tonight, but I just realized I saw Superbad without you already and I'll wait 'til you come back! now THAT'S love.

Aug 26, 2007 4:17 PM
I'm pooping right now and wearing your bathrobe. I just lifted the back of it over my butt and am letting it rest on the back of the toilet.

Sucka.

Oct 16, 2007 1:50 PM
I miss pounching yair crasssch. I can't wait 'til you come home. I'll be waiting behind your door. Then, BLAM-O, BIATCH!

As you can tell, I love my sister a bunch -- in that creepy, pervvy kind of way.